You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
