I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
