Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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