Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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