i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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