My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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