then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize