i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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