i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize