they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize