IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
