i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
