Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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