Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
