Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
