If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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