it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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