omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
