You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
