I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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