look no pants
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
