Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
