Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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