Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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