What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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