My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
