He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
