That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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