so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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