Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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