I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
