Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
