a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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