I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
