We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
