the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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