I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
