I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
