Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
