Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We got so high we made milksteak
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
