I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize