my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Enjoy the penises
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
