How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
