A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
