9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize