Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
