The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
