I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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