Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
