he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
