I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
