Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
third nipple confirmed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
