I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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