do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
