I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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