I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
