She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
