So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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