The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
