i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In America we eat man semen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
