I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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