Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
