I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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