the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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