Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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