no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
