i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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