Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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