Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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