This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize