low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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