TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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