Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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